Prank Stabbing in Fisher Fine Arts Just Leads to Irritated Shushing Noises

Last Friday, visitors to the Fisher Fine Arts Library found themselves at the center of a terrifying confrontation. Two unidentified men streaked into the main atrium around 2:25 p.m., one wrapped in a bloodied polo and the other chasing him brandishing a machete.

“It was terrifying!” Exclaimed a visibly shaken Emily Andrews (E ‘19). “I’d been working on this coding project since 1 a.m. the night before, and I was so out of it I hadn’t bothered saving anything.” Shuddering, she continued, “The screams, the slamming, I —”

After Andrews’ hysterical sobbing ceased, she exclaimed, “I was so startled I nearly hit the power button on my laptop. Just imagine, all that work gone! I’m so thankful that it’s still alive.”

Some other nearby students had more subdued reactions. 

“It was terribly inconsiderate of them,” grumbled resident librarian Martha Connel. “The sign on the door clearly indicates the sanctity of our silence. Horseplay belongs outside, or in riffraff book-closets like Van Pelt. Thankfully, they responded to our shushing and kept all subsequent hysterical screams below 20 decibels.”

Few were more frustrated than Mark Erens (N ‘20). “Look,” he snarled. “Our study group was all set to get a great live demo of the anatomy of the jugular and the plasticity of the epidermis. But no, it had to be a prank stabbing.”