BREAKING: Local Dog Population Fucking Pissed About This NCH West Business

Construction of New College House West will begin next week, just in time to create a pleasant soundtrack of jackhammers and dynamite for students studying for finals. Despite the University’s best efforts to cater to students’ needs in their construction of the new residential building, it seems that the administration was not thinking about everyone affected. Indeed, the local dog population in University City is reportedly “fucking pissed.”

A representative from the Canines United Philadelphia group (CUP) spoke to UTB about the project. “Everyone here is like, 'What the fuck?' That field space was prime real estate for running around in circles, catching frisbees, and peeing freely. Without it, we’re seriously limited as to local areas to screw around.”

The group has not yet published an official response, but several additional members have voiced their frustration. “I’ve been living in this area for three years, and this is the main place I go to let off steam," said Richard, a German Rottweiler. "I’m sure as hell not going to walk all the way to Penn Park to get exercise.”

Another CUP member, a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel named Buttercup, expressed similar sentiments in a written statement, which read, “THIS BITCH-ASS SCHOOL NEEDS TO CHECK ITS GODDAMN PRIVILEGE. I DON’T COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND BULLDOZE YOUR TREADMILL, SO WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU CAN COME INTO MY SPACE AND DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT WITH IT. I MEAN, REALLY. YOU GODDAMN MOTHER-FUCKING DOO-DOO HEADS. Thank you.”