New Study Finds that 72% of Students Going to the Bathroom During Class Are Actually Going to Hit Their Juuls

Have you ever been trying to take an innocent trip to the bathroom when, in the next stall over, you hear the tell-tale snap, crackle, pop of a Juul pod that’s less than 50% full? Have you witnessed another student step out of a stall in a cloud of smoke like an '80s glam rock star still perfectly preserved in their immortal youth? Do you wonder if that one frat bro who takes three trips to the bathroom every class has a problem with his prostate? If so, a new student study suggests that you are not alone. In fact, approximately 72% of all students going to the bathroom during class are actually just going to hit their Juuls.

UTB met up with Cassidy Murphy (C ’19), a history major by day and Juuler by both day and night, to ask for her take on this shocking new data. Said Murphy, “I think it’s always been a lot more prevalent than other students thought, because we’re so sneaky about it. If there’s another person in the stall next to me, I won’t hit the Juul until someone flushes the toilet to cover up the noise. If someone walks in while I’m standing in front of the mirror and staring at myself while I Juul, I’ll quickly hide it in my pocket and hustle back to class. So no one was really aware of exactly how much I’m Juuling in every bathroom on campus.”

Classmates have a somewhat different perspective on the story. College senior Liam Jenkins says that it was very obvious to everyone what Murphy was leaving to do. “She would fumble around in the pocket of her coat for 30 seconds then shove something into her jeans as she hurried out of the classroom, then come back a minute later and chug half her water bottle. I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she had a UTI in September, but it’s been two months now, and we’re all very aware of what Cass is doing in the bathroom.”