Generous: SHS to Provide Communal ChapStick This Fall

It’s obvious that we’re blessed to go to Penn. We have great sports teams, a robust counseling program, and cold weather. 

Now, our embarrassment of riches is about to get more embarrassing: Student Health Services has announced that they will be providing a single ChapStick for student use this Fall. They won’t be able to replace it when it runs out, but it's expected to be lost long before such an event.

SHS, known primarily for providing 100% accurate diagnoses, has never offered lip balm. Director Flula Shick said that after seeing a kid’s “crusty ass lips,” he had to step in.

“Can't get into deets rn but her lips were crustier than pizza wit no sauce or cheese,” Shick commented over text.

SHS listed a few key details about their ChapStick plan in an official press release:

1. It will be barbecue flavored. Perfect for those cold winter days!
2. Hairs and skin flakes will be left in the ChapStick. This will help capture the “shared, communal” aspect of the balm.
3. SHS is “about 50% sure” there’s no poison ivy on or inside it.

Needless to say, we are very excited to transitively rub lips with our peers.