Student Sitting Around and Texting at Pottruck Actually Doing Vigorous Kegel Workout

Judgmental gym-goers at Pottruck Health and Fitness Center were forced to reconsider their assumptions when it became apparent that a girl who appeared to be lounging on the mats and texting was actually engaged in a vigorous Kegel workout.

Jamie Reston (C '19) entered the gym with the intent to warm up on the elliptical and then jump into a core-blasting pelvic floor exercise. She did just that, spending 15 minutes on light cardio on the first floor before relocating to the second-floor gym mats. There, she laid down and commenced clenching her vaginal and rectal muscles in sets of 10 reps, holding each move for three seconds, while simultaneously browsing the internet from her mobile device.

Despite the fact that her internal organs were quaking with the sheer intensity of the Kegel regimen, it seemed to onlookers on the second floor that Reston was simply wasting time and precious mat space by fooling around on her phone and laying inert on her back. 

Little did they know that she was in fact shredding her pelvic floor muscles, thereby improving her bladder control and ability to reach orgasm in the process.

Ethan Tonkin (W '20), who witnessed the unsuspecting internal workout, was confused by Reston's apparent inactivity. "She didn't seem to be moving at all, but when she finally sat up, there were beads of sweat on her forehead, and she was panting," he noted incredulously. "I could have sworn I heard her groan while she was just laying there, but maybe I'm imagining that."

Reston, meanwhile, took the judgment in stride, knowing that while others do bicep curls in a vain display of physical fitness, she is optimizing her muscular power from the inside.