‘Student Athlete' Misses Group's Meeting for 4th Week in a Row to Participate in Fantasy Football Game

Johnny Lawson (C '21) takes a sip of gatorade. It’s the fourth quarter, he’s down eight points and it all comes down to this. His phone pings for the third time, but he can’t check now. Not in crunch time. He rips his bong and leads forward in his seat. NFL RedZone stud Scott Hanson announces they’re going to the triple box—three games, one screen, down eight. What will happen next?

Lawson's partner for his URBS 103 research paper, Anna Tapper (C '21), does not share his excitement. “I don’t get it. This kid thinks he’s some kind of athlete or something. He literally just plays fantasy football. Honestly, he’s borderline obsessed,” she said.

“Every week I try to schedule a time to meet, but when he’s not watching football, he’s busy on the phone with potential trade partners or tinkering with his lineup,” she continued. “This kid’s a serial tinkerer.”

Lawson sees things a little differently. “So what if I don’t actually play football?" He said. "This is a full-time commitment. I’m on the phone every day wheeling and dealing, I sit in lecture scanning the waiver wire every Tuesday, and I even get up at 9:00 a.m. three times a year to watch the games in London. Maybe Anna should have considered all of this when she let me be her partner.”

“And I’m not just sitting on my ass all day either,” Lawson added. “When BuffStreams freezes, I dash off the couch and cut five yards up the middle to reload the illegal stream, even at the risk of getting a 17th virus on my computer. What I do is harder than real football.”

In the meantime, Tapper is just trucking along without Lawson. “The crazy part is that I’m 6-3 in my league and I hardly check. I glanced at Johnny’s screen the other day he’s literally 0-9. I’m telling you, he really tinkers too much."