Student Completes Tiny Act of Kindness for the Day, Spends Rest of Day Being a Dick Like Usual

At 9:54 a.m., Liam Taylor (C ’20) was on his way to get a spicy beverage from Pret a Manger when, in an act of complete selflessness and humility, he held open the door for the person behind him. Witnesses reported being moved to tears by this gesture of kindness to a complete stranger; many rushed to their cellphones to call their parents and let them know how much they love and value them, while others just held each other and sobbed. This act fulfilled Taylor’s tiny act of kindness for the day, freeing up the rest of the day to act like a complete asshole as he normally does.

Taylor was later spotted holding open the door to Claudia Cohen just long enough that the person behind him began to jog up the stairs, then shutting it before they caught up so they’d still have to fumble around for their PennCard to swipe in. Many witnesses at the scene later called their families to tell them that they’re going to continue taking them for granted for the foreseeable future.