University Follows Penn Students’ Abbreviation Obsession: Purple Replaces Red and Blue as Official School Color

Finally! Sharing in Penn students’ abbreviation obsession, University officials have just announced that after nearly a century, the Red and the Blue shall become just the Purple! 

Reaction to the change has been mixed. Much of the outcry has come from alumni who had just bought red and blue apparel for their two-month-old children. 

Reactions from the current student body, however, have been universally positive, and the change is part of a larger trend at the university. As Penn students become involved in more activities, they must streamline conversation in order to save time. 

“Penn students are just super busy,” said Maggie Parr (C’ 20). “We don’t have time to craft eloquent paragraphs when short word do trick." Penn administration has picked up on this trend, and plans to appoint a CAO (Chief Acronym Officer) in early 2019.  

While banners and donation flyers are easy to reprint, one of the trickiest aspects of the transition is Penn’s classic song, the Red and the Blue, sung at football games ever since Ben Franklin threw his first touchdown. A new version has already been drafted and will be debuted at this year’s homecoming game:

Come, all ye loyal classmen now, 

on field we make all hirple, 

lift up your hearts and voices 

for the loyal, royal Purple.

In sport Harvard has crimson, 

we’ll kick them in the curple, 

as for dear Pennsylvania, 

we wear the good old purple.

Frank Helman (E '21) is excited about the new tune. “I never had time to sing the Red and the Blue so I’m really happy it was abbreviated. Now I’ll finally go to football games!”