Bragging Much? Student Leaving CVS with 24-Pack of Toilet Paper Wants You to Know He Eats Foods Rich in Dietary Fiber

In a stunning display of braggadocio, College senior Eric Young emerged from the CVS Pharmacy on 40th and Walnut Streets carrying a 24-pack of toilet paper, signaling to all in his path that he maintains a high-fiber diet. 

Struggling to contain the massive bundle of toilet tissue in his arms, Young seemed to take a long and circuitous path back to his home on Beige Block, presumably to gain as much attention as he could from passerby. 

The sheer size of the package of triple-ply left no doubt as to whether he was meeting (or perhaps surpassing) his recommended 38 grams of daily fiber. His light, confident swagger caused witnesses to marvel at just how immaculate his colon must be. 

"This guy clearly cuts a lean, mean 3.5 bowel movements a day," said Georgia Keene (E '21), who passed the self-assured Young around 41st Street. "I mean, look at the smirk on his face. I'll bet you anything he's going home to take a dump now. Braggart."

When asked to comment on his dietary habits, Young declined, saying "I'm kind of in a rush right now, I gotta take care of something at home," before inserting his AirPods and scuttling away.