Study Finds DRL Bathroom Has Higher Attendance Than Lecture Hall

In a recent study, David Rittenhouse Laboratories was reported to have the highest (hand) foot (and mouth) traffic of any academic building. The study found that most of this traffic comes from the DRL bathrooms, which were found to have a higher attendance than the lecture halls. 

Some professors believe that students are conducting a silent relay race during their classes. This would explain why when one student returns to class, another stands from their seat, tags the returnee, and walks out the door.

The professor of Math 0.32 (Simple Addition) has started requiring a bathroom pass for students to carry if they wish to leave lecture. When interviewed, she explained, “We’re already teaching students what they should have learned in fifth grade, so the bathroom pass will really enhance the atmospherical learning properties of the lecture experience.”

In an inspiring bit of entrepreneurial spirit, a few professors have embraced the bathrooms' popularity. As a result, Math 170 is now being taught in first floor men’s room, stall three. 

Only a handful of students were interviewed about their motives to constantly go to the bathroom. “Yeah I just really like taking a breath of fresh air and maybe standing silently for a few minutes to take a break but that’s really it,” said Juulius Fishman (C ’19). With a name like that, he sounds like a real nature-lover. Keep enjoying the outdoors, buddy!