Smirnoff to Make Handle-Sized Ice

In a press release today, Smirnoff announced it would be making a larger serving size of its popular drink, the Ice. 

“It’s about time. I honest to God could not tell you what a Smirnoff Ice tastes like because the only times I’ve had one have been when I’m on my knees chugging with the flash of Snapchats all around me” said college sophomore Robin Mendez. “My roommate Jeremy thinks the game of hiding Ices in the apartment is incredibly funny and does it all the time. This will stop him.”

“After learning that you people chug our product, we wanted to increase the size so you degenerates can finally enjoy it,” a Smirnoff representative shared.

“Wait why is there a handle of Ice in the silverware drawer? Please Jeremy don’t make me get on my knees,” pleaded Mendez.

Reports indicate that Jeremy get bored watching Mendez chug a handle of Smirnoff Ice and left.

“You would not believe how much harder it is to creatively hide a whole handle of Smirnoff Ice,” sighed Jeremy. “Gone are the days of sneaking a bottle in a pillowcase.”