Laptop Extremely Cold On Defecating Student’s Bare Thighs

The metal underbelly of his MacBook frigid against his sensitive thigh skin, Ryan Glover (C ’19) struggled to operate his laptop computer while on the toilet yesterday. 

After first noticing a bowel movement brewing in his lower abdomen, Glover carried his laptop from his desk to the bathroom in order to continue working.

However, upon lowering his pants and seating himself upon the toilet, he was confronted with the unbearable chill of the metal computer on his delicate upper legs. 

Multiple times Glover attempted to persevere through the cold, gritting his teeth and focusing on his assignments. However, the sensation proved too intense for Glover’s creamy gams.

Glover finished defecating without any entertainment, training his eyes instead on a chip in his bathroom floor grout and wishing he had eaten more fiber in the preceding days.