Student Thought to be Studying Abroad Actually On Campus, Just Really Into RuneScape

For two months now, the public was under the impression that Engineering junior David James has been studying abroad in Zurich, Switzerland. Saying goodbye to his family and friends, James embarked on his journey, eager to embrace a new culture and get out of the Penn bubble. Recent reports, however, have shed new light on this situation. 

Two days ago, a roommate of James went into his room “totally not to steal his pillows,” but instead found the supposedly abroad student huddled over his laptop in a corner of the room, disheveled and covered in Cheeto dust. Turns out James never left the country; he had just gotten really into RuneScape.  

The day of his flight, James downloaded the game onto his laptop for the long plane ride. Tempted by the sweet lure of adventure, however, James created his avatar and began a new life — never looking back. Instead of exploring the beautiful scenery of Zurich and surrounding Switzerland, James explored the 10 kingdoms of Geilinor, questing across the map.  

While his family and friends are furious that he has actually spent the past two months in his bedroom, James is adamant that it’s been two months well-spent. “Look, if I went to Zurich I would have taken some bs classes about engineering and whatnot, but in Geilinor, I’m learning at a very fast rate. I’m already a level 41 crafter — I can craft studded leather gloves!”

While he did spend months learning German in preparation for his trip, James has become nearly fluent in Korean purely as a result of his interactions with other players in the message boards.

James claims he’s not addicted, but also tried to bite his roommate when he attempted to grab his laptop.