College Senior Still Harbors Suspicion That She Was Admitted to Penn by Accident

Last Friday, while leaving the last lecture of her second to last semester at the University of Pennsylvania, College senior Elizabeth Jones reportedly admitted that she still harbored some suspicion about the legitimacy of her enrollment in school.

“I just sometimes feel like I was admitted by mistake,” Jones explained. “Not just ‘sometimes,’ actually. I regularly feel that way."

“Like, what if the admissions office clicked on the wrong Elizabeth Jones,” she continued, cutting off any attempts at reassurance. “It’s such a common name. I think I met like, seventeen Elizabeths my freshman year here.

“What if they accidentally added me to the Listserv of accepted students, and it was too awkward to take me off because I accepted the offer of admission, like, instantly. And so they just added one person to the graduating class of 2019.

“My mail kept getting sent to a different Elizabeth Jones on Sansom while I was living in Rodin. What if she’s the real Elizabeth Jones? Have you met her? I know she exists; I looked her up on LinkedIn. She’s literally also in the class of 2019.

“What if I’m walking across the stage at graduation, and they only have one diploma for Elizabeth Jones because there was only supposed to be one of us?”

At press time, Jones remained unconvinced by her friends’ protestations.