Meet the Current Penn Undergrads Who Are Engaged Ranked by How Wild It Is to Me That They Did That

Here are  the current Penn undergrads who are engaged ranked objectively by how wild it is to me that they did that.

4. Stacey and Jeff

Coming in hot at number 4 are Stacey and Jeff. It was not so wild to me that Stacey and Jeff did that. The two very religious students met freshman year at Hillel pre-orientation. They have been dating consistently since then and are now both Seniors. With Jeff’s early acceptance to Columbia med-school, and Stacey’s grandma’s home in Boca ready to welcome them for the honeymoon, the couple is ready to settle down and start popping out babies to save the chosen people. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still a little wild they did this. I’m not saying I think this is fine. It’s just not the most wild. 2/10 wild.

3. Jim and Sam

At number 3 are Jim and Sam. These two met sophomore year on club soccer. The two guys have been dating off and on for about two years now. They are best friends and spend 100% of their time together — Sam has moved into Jim’s place — but at the same time it’s like, you didn’t have to do this. It would have been fine if you waited to see what happened next in your lives. I’m not saying I’m not happy for them, it just feels unnecessary.  It’s like, what are you planning on doing now? Are you just going to get married all of a sudden? That’s a bit wild. 5/10 wild.

2. Jenny and Chris

Jenny and Chris came in at number 2 most wild-to-me-that-they-actually-did-this, but it was a really close call.  Its super wild to me that they did this but also, they are both crazy. If these people were normal, I’d be more shocked but they actually both are crazy so maybe they need each other. Chris is the type of person who will get black-out the night before a mid-term if even one person jokingly asks him to, and Jenny is a senior who still lives in a twin bed in her sorority house. Of course, he would propose to Jenny. Of course, she would say yes. Insane that they are still engaged — but only 7/10 wild.

1. Kate and Stephen

Number 1 most wild goes to Kate and Stephen. Kate is a Junior and Stephen is a Senior. Like Jenny and Chris, these guys met 6 months ago through mutual friends. Unlike Jenny and Chris, they are two very normal people who are also thoughtful and rational and also my good friends. Nothing even kind of quirky. Kate goes to club events and to Smokes on Saturdays. Stephen is active in his frat but not too active. Now they have a wedding scheduled for August and are trying to make me decide if I want the salmon option or the vegetable option, because they know I’m a pescatarian. The fuck? I don’t understand the question. I talked to Kate the other day, thinking maybe there was something crazy about her that I didn’t see before. I looked deep into her soul, and nothing, she was not crazy. I don’t get it. 6. Months. 10/10 crazy.