2 Step Authentication Now Required to Enter Smokes

Smokey Joe's campus bar, in an effort to restrict underage entry, is instituting a compulsory two-step verification enrollment for all its patrons this month.

People who wish to enter the bar will need to show a valid state or federal I.D, and provide one of the following:

• A retinal scan of both eyes, plus a recovery key eye that should be preserved in brine and carried into the bar in case of accidental or purposeful gouging
• 2 U.S. nuclear launch codes or three launch codes from a foreign nation
• The time and room number of a Huntsman classroom booking
• One (1) kilogram or more of a narcotic substance with the patron's name on its packaging in permanent ink that will be handed over to campus police if the first form of I.D. shown is proven invalid

Once this policy is in place, any patrons who have not enrolled in two-step verification will be unable to access Smokey Joe's or utilize any of its resources. Violations are punishable by I.D. bend and permanent banishment.