Wholesome! Entire Friend Group Pretending to Be Sad and Stressed to Make Friend Feel Better

Tight-knit friend groups are supposed to be unique to freshman year, yet this was not the case for Mark Lucas (C ‘19), who has managed to maintain a close bond with six of his quad hallmates. Lately, Mark’s been feeling like a washed-out senior: his classes aren’t going his way, and he can’t muster up the discipline to eat healthy.

Thankfully, his friends aren’t going to let that slide. While they might have little experience with burnout and sadness themselves and are well on their way to fulfilling careers, they’re more than mindful of Lucas’ situation.

“We all got together,” disclosed Natalie Lobble (E ‘19), “me and the rest of Mark’s friends, and we made sure to hide any signs of our success and contentment while around him.”

“I haven’t even told him that I got into MIT’s CS PhD program,” she confided, “We convinced him that we’re all going to be somewhere between homeless and disowned after graduation. I think Mattie’s got this great story about a felony conviction.”

Other members of Lucas’s friend group confirmed their commitment to the plan. “I’ve gotten really good at applying eye shadow so that it looks like I’m always sleep deprived,” noted Emmy Li (C ‘19, E ‘19), “I’d try and forgo sleep to make it even more realistic, but I’ve been getting eight hours a night for so long I’m not sure I know how.”

Lucas may be lucky to have so many dedicated friends, but he’s far from alone. According to sociology professor Fatima Shah, “Over the years, I’ve noticed that Penn’s most successful students have taken it upon themselves to inflate their malaise and downplay their achievements to the point where you can never know who's actually failing. ”

It’s just another great part of being a Quaker!