Gay Statesman Writer Prefers Men Both Romantically and Professionally

College junior Daniel Atwood is just like every other red-blooded American boy: he likes his coffee black, meat on his plate, and assault rifles under his pillow. He also prefers working professionally with members of his own gender. But Daniel is also a little different. Daniel is gay.  

Atwood is a member of the Statesman, Penn’s right-wing publication best known for its universal irrelevance. Normally, being queer and a member of such a publication would pose problems, but Atwood finds that his identity and political views go hand-in-hand.  

“Yeah, it’s pretty great,” Atwood told Under the Button. “I obviously turn down women romantically, and that makes it easier to turn them down professionally. Whenever I am in a job interview with a woman or am pushed by a professor to do a project with a woman, I can just be like, ‘actually, I’m gay,’ which tends to leave people confused enough to just let me work with other members of the dominant sex, [men].”

Atwood also expressed views that he has found modern feminism “suffocating” for him, again both romantically and with his political views.  

“I just think women should be quiet, and I also want nothing to do with them intimately. They always get mad when I express my sexist views, and I think that’s pretty oppressive, and also very, very unattractive.”