Kendall Jenner Rejected From Smokes, Forced to Go to City Tap House

This past Wednesday, Kendall Jenner was spotted in local bar and grill City Tap House cracking open a few “cold ones” with 76ers point guard Ben Simmons. Though Jenner swore Tap House was her bar of choice, the hoards of Penn students waiting in line for Smokey Joe’s infamous “sink or swim” confirmed otherwise. 

Jenner reportedly elbowed her way to the front of the line outside Smokes shouting “Out of my way, ye dirty mudbloods! Have you no sense?” and “Damn, I love Proactive!” Upon reaching the door, Jenner, age 23, presented her California driver’s license for inspection.  

“Fake,” said Spencer Worthington (C ‘20), brother of Kappa Kappa Sig. Jenner protested, but Worthington would not budge. “The ID is fake. Try something a little more obscure next time. Maybe Alaska or, like, Connecticut,” he said. 

A source at the scene reported that Jenner offered Worthington multiple bribes including Proactive Salicylic Acid Cleanser, Proactive Toner, and her infant niece Stormi.  

When all else failed, Jenner turned to Tap House. Better luck next time, KenJen.