All Penn Advising to be Replaced by Microsoft Word's 'Clippy' Assistant

Thanks to the hard work and genius of a Malcom Kettle (E '19), Penn advising is taking a great leap forward.  Kettle, who will graduate just after his software's implementation, is leaving his mark on Penn by re-releasing Microsoft Word's Clippy assistant. Kettle gained the rights to Clippy through his summer internship at Microsoft last year when CEO Michael Dell told Kettle he "could not give a flying fuck what anyone does with Clippy."

Clippy, widely recognized as the most advanced artificial intelligence since the tamagotchi, has been programmed with Penn's calendar and academic worksheets. Perhaps the most advanced feature of the new advising system is seamless integration with Pennintouch. 

"With these two technological powerhouses working in tandem, Penn advising will re-define the limits of artificial intelligence," claimed Kettle. The cutting edge technology will launch in March. Existing Penn advisors have been given notice of their impending termination and given Microsoft Office 2001 as a severance package.