Student Disturbed to Learn That Attractive, Well-Spoken Classmate Also Really Nice

As recently as last week, Lauren Jergen (C '21) was certain that her classmate Erika* was a total asshole. Understanding that Erika was both very well-spoken in class discussions and absurdly good-looking, Jergen naturally assumed that she must also be cold and disingenuous, because it simply wouldn't be fair any other way.

But after having a brief conversation with her presumed nemesis, Jergen was equal parts disappointed and disturbed to learn that Erika was really, really nice.

"First, she complimented my shoes, which is like – anyone can do that," recounted Jergen. "But then she completely blindsided me and said that I made a really insightful point in class the other day, and she'd love to get coffee some time."

Now, halfway through the semester, Jergen must come to terms with the fact that the classmate she once despised so deeply is not only conventionally beautiful and undoubtedly smart, but also quite friendly and generally pleasant to be around.

"This fucking blows," sighed Jergen as she ran her fingers through her slightly greasy hair and then pushed away a mostly unfinished to-do list. "Sometimes life just isn't fair."

*Name has been changed to protect the individual's identity