English Major to Graduate Having Read First 10 Pages of Hundreds of Great Books

Senior Patrice Macintyre is graduating with his bachelor’s degree in English next month, despite having read no more than than the first few pages of every book he was assigned.

For the rest of his life, Patrice’s degree in English will be a signal to all that he is a well-read man of letters, capable of discussing a wide range of literature in detail. 

However, Patrice has barely read much of anything during his four years at Penn, let alone an entire novel. While most classics majors contend they feel the spirit of their ancestors move through them when they read entire books, Patrice is content with his paltry knowledge gleaned from only the Table of Contents of Americanah.

Patrice claims to have a life-long love for reading and the written word. “I was pretty much addicted to books as a little kid, and I still love to read,” he said. “The back cover of As I Lay Dying was really interesting and moving."

Patrice’s room is full of books. “My bookshelves are overflowing,” he said. “One day, I think I will read some of them.”

For now, Patrice has no plans to read any books. “A lot of cinema classes are cross-listed with English, so I’m just watching movies until I get my diploma,” he said.