Penn Struggling To Erect Building On Last Remaining Square Foot Of Grass

The Penn Real Estate Department announced yesterday that efforts to erect a building on the last remaining square foot of grass on campus are faltering.

When appraisers first noticed the 11 inch by 11.5 inch rectangle of grassy dirt, the University community was shocked to learn that something like that still existed.

Miguel Santos is the director of the Real Estate Department. “I was sure we had paved over the last bit of green with the Wharton-only cryolipolysis spa,” Santos said. “Such an oversight is, of course, extremely embarrassing.”

Santos and his colleagues are now scrambling to design a structure that can occupy such a small plot. “If we build a dorm there, it’s going to be very cramped for the students that get placed there,” Santos said. "While that’s not a dealbreaker for us, it is a concern.”

For now, all options are still on the table. “We need something, anything,” Santos said. “Perhaps the square foot will be a ride-sharing app innovation center or a display of Jon Huntsman’s most toxic petrochemicals.”

It’s unclear what will come of the square foot at this point. “What are we supposed to do here?” Santos said. “Just leave it? So someone could eat lunch outside or throw a frisbee with himself? Yeah, I don’t think so.”