OP-ED: How One Game of Marry, Fuck, Kill Got Me a Job at Bain

I know that just the title of this article fills 95% of Penn students with crushing envy that will eventually lead to my demise at the hands of my peers, but look at it like this: Bain interviews are one of the most stressful hours you will ever spend, and this hot tip is going to help you ace the interview. See, I prepared case studies and an impeccably rehearsed monologue about the biggest challenges I’ve ever faced, but they never asked me any of that. No, their question cut straight to my core and challenged all of the values that I once held dear.

Marry, Fuck, Kill: Jeff from Writing Sem, Mitt Romney, and your own father

I had never been so challenged in my life. Surely Jeff from Writing Sem is a definite fuck. As I sat around that team of old white men nodding respectfully at my answer, I knew I was on the right track. Then came the hard part: Would they be upset if I killed their co-founder, or would they appreciate if I freed up some power for themselves to take? I was reluctant to kill my father, but I’m still retaining hope that Romney could restore the good name of the Grand Old Party, and everyone in the room clearly had an intense Oedipal complex. I knew what I had to do.

Now I work at Bain & Company, and I am very much enjoying my job as a janitor.