Hey Samantha! Liking Oat Milk Isn’t a Personality Trait

College sophomore Samantha Cummings is in for a rude awakening. After numerous attempts to try and label herself as “that cool free-spirited chick that likes oat milk,” it is time she knows the truth. 

We get it. You’re lactose-intolerant. Or maybe dairy sensitive. Or, you’re working through some deeply-rooted milk-related trauma. Regardless, the fact that you like oat milk mustn’t be your go-to fun fact for the first day of CIMS-103 recitation. 

Contrary to what you may think, it actually does NOT count as oppression when you walk into United By Blue and learn that they are out of it. Nor can you put it in your tinder bio. And stop shitting on almond and soy! They have feelings too. 

You are as bland as the milk that you drink. 

(Note: UTB staff fully recognizes that oat milk is delicious. But still, get a new fucking fun fact.)