OP-ED: Sorry I’m Late. I Didn’t Want to Come

Hey. Yes, I’m finally here — even though I’m 35 minutes late to this hour long meeting.

I would say that it won’t happen again, but — given my track record — we all know that won’t happen. I am sorry though, and I can explain.

You see, it’s that I simply did not want to attend this meeting. I had to leave the comfort of my warm bed to schlep all the way to Huntsman in the middle of my Sunday...all to play a dumb name game with the other members of this sketch comedy group under the guise of a “very important and mandatory GBM.”

I could tell you that I’m late because I forgot my Penn card and got bounced from Huntsman by the security guard, like I’ve told you for the past 10 meetings.

But this time, I’m telling you the truth. I didn’t want to come to this GBM so intensely, it’s actually a miracle that I’m here at all. I already know the names of everyone in my sketch group. Plus, your “announcements” are things you could just send us via email.

Anyway, I will see you next week. And yes, I will be 35 minutes late again because I anticipate myself still not wanting to come.