OP-ED: Beto O’Rourke’s Butt Should Run for President

Yesterday, Beto O’Rourke, former Texan Congressman and ex-Senatorial candidate, announced his 2020 Presidential bid. 

He is known for his charismatic, down-to-earth personality and thoughtful border politics. He fundraised for his campaign without the help of corporations and Super PACS and managed to charm conservative voters even in the reddest parts of Texas. He even almost replaced incumbent Ted Cruz in the U.S. Senate. 

While these accomplishments are cool and all, I think he should instead be celebrated for his sweet little caboose. 

Politics, shmolitics. Beto has the vibe of the chill, hot, divorcee who skateboards when he’s not running a tech company in which everyone wears jeans. And his buttocks look damn good in those jeans. I think that caboose would also make a great politician. 

Yeah, Beto would do fine in the White House, but he could do wonders for young people voter turn-out by dropping out of the race and letting his toushy run the campaign instead. Give the people what they want! Beto’s Behind for Prez!