Embarrassing: This Student JUST Discovered Go-Gurt

Oh boy. Terrance Jefferson doesn’t know it yet, but he just made the biggest blunder of his life. 

Terry has always been somewhat of a yogurt connoisseur, so last week wasn’t the first time he’s googled something related to yogurt. Some of his past searches have included “is it cool to pronounce yogurt with the emphasis on yog” and “morning google, hangover yogurt good?” But last week, after his 503rd time running out the door to make his 9 a.m. recitation without having time to scarf down a quick yogurt, an idea came to him. What if there were a more portable yogurt?

Perhaps it could be a hands-free yogurt that attached to a contraption around the neck, he thought. But before applying for a patent for this novel idea, Terry took to google to make sure that no one had already come up with it. Since Terry already had seven startups to his name, he decided he’d be happier if a portable yogurt already existed than if he made millions off the idea but had to wait for months for the prototype. So he had his hopes up when he googled “portable yogurt.”

That’s when he made his discovery. Hidden from everyone for years, it seemed, there was in fact already a portable yogurt. It was brilliant, and its name matched its innovative design: Go-Gurt.

“It’s because it sounds like yogurt, but it’s 'go' instead of ‘yo,’ because it’s, like, on the go!” Terry yelled at us in a quiet room of our office. “THIS IS GONNA CHANGE EVERYTHING.”

Unfortunately, what Terry doesn’t know is that while he was living under a rock, everyone else was eating Go-Gurt on the reg back in the early 2000s. So as Terry rushed to tell everyone he knows about this “new” discovery, he inadvertently was making the most embarrassing mistake of his life.

A representative from Terry’s former frat, Gamma Upsilon Ribosome Tau (GURT), told UTB that they were forced to kick Terry out of the frat. “We just couldn’t let our frat’s reputation take this kind of a hit.”