Life Tip! Name Your Child Steinberg-Dietrich If You Want Them to Have a Building That's Named After Them

Want your child to get all the fame and preferential treatment that comes along with being in a select group of children of wealthy donors? Too bad, you chose to major in philosophy. However, Under the Button’s legal scholars have determined that there is no rule against naming your child Steinberg-Dietrich. None at all. It’s the wild West out here.

It is hypothesized that if everyone were named Steinberg-Dietrich, the class system would collapse, as no one would be able to tell who the real Steiny-D is. Eventually, factions would coalesce as the Steinbergs would begin to wage war against the Dietrichs.

Dean of Admissions Eric Furda should brace himself for the hundreds of Steiny-Ds in the Class of 2042.