Don’t Feel Bad! Robert Mueller Needs an Extension on His Report Too

So you’re at a point in the semester we all knew was coming. It was on the syllabus. The teacher told you in class. You have a report due tomorrow, but you spent the entirety of last week watching reruns of Friends. If we’re being honest, you spent the entirety of this semester watching reruns of Friends. You definitely have a bigger problem than turning in your reports late. 

So now, you need to beg your teacher for an extension. And so, like the sad, sad ball of self-destruction that you are, you write an email. “My Dearest, Professor <insert name you had to look at the syllabus to find>. An education is, first and foremost, a journey…” We’re talking the works. That email will be longer than the report was supposed to be.

When your tears and panic have sufficiently manifested into words on the 3 a.m. glow of your laptop, you reach for the “send,” but can’t seem to click! A little thing called shame is pulling you back. In this moment of distress, look to your guardian angel. That’s right, we’re talking Robert Mueller. 

Mueller has taken since 2017 to write his report. People have set due dates for it time and time again since then, but has it been released? No. Take your time, girl. Honestly, who’s to say Mueller hasn’t been watching reruns of Friends, too? Send that email. Don’t feel bad. Why should you hold yourself to a higher standard than Robert Mueller?