Life Hack: Save on Stress Balls and Pop Your Pimples Instead

A new study from Penn Undergraduate Research Center has confirmed that students’ stress and anxiety levels are increasing exponentially as final exams approach. Although there were no actual participants in this study, PURC confirms that they’re probably right. The real question is how students can cope with this anxiety. Favorite options include trichotillomania, late-night binges, and constant masturbation. However, one form of stress relief has not gotten nearly enough attention. Rather than pulling out hair or chubbing up (in more ways than one), all you need to do is pop your pimples.

Stress is known to cause breakouts, so many students have a veritable gold mine of pimples to pop. Although we at UTB recommend cleaning your skin and using a needle to poke holes before popping, we know that the majority of popping will likely occur as students anxiously rub their skin in the library. This is possibly even more satisfying, and we would never try to take that option away from you. Plus, if you touch your skin a lot, you’ll have even more pimples to pop, creating a positive feedback loop of stress relief.

Many students may wonder, won’t a breakout just add a different form of stress? No. Students who think that have probably never experienced the joy of pushing pus out of their body. If you’re one of the unfortunate people who never has a pimple, we sympathize greatly and suggest aggressively pushing q-tips deep inside your ears to harvest the wax. No matter what, there is some place in your body full of gunk just begging to be harvested. Exams are hard enough without denying yourself the joy of cleaning out parts of your body that really don’t need to be cleaned.