OP-ED: Scoot Squad, We Run These Streets

Philly is a city in need of a protector. And for the small, heavily guarded and heavily gentrified bubble that is Penn, Scoot Squad is up for the challenge. Never heard of us, you say? Allow me to enlighten you.

The Razor scooter is nothing less than the transportation method of God himself. And Scoot Squad? We’re his messengers. We ride nothing but the finest two wheels $80 can buy. Night and day, rain or shine. We stop for nothing but potholes and the occasional damn-ass rock. Your fraternities and school clubs are no match for our elite community of helmet-wearing heroes. 

Penn doesn’t need protecting, you say? Foolish mortal. Scoot squad alone has earned you the audacity to claim your independence. Our presence is what convinces you of your security. We are the Skull and Bones of Penn; you might not notice us, but we will always be there. 

So next time you hear the glorious grip of a Razor A5 Lux approaching you on Locust walk, you had best think twice before judging. I’m not late to class, I’m just off to fight crime. The least you can do is step aside.