Mother Mary! St. Francis of Assisi Looks Confused at Friars Smoker

Italian Catholic friar and patron saint of animals Francis of Assisi showed up to Friars Senior Society’s smoker today, and it was not what he expected.

“I was shocked. Back in my day, you had to be tapped by God himself. There were no women, and there was definitely no alcohol. I always thought those rules were dated, even back in the 13th century, to be perfectly honest,” he said before sipping on his PBR.

“I haven’t even seen a single bald scalp all night,” he lamented. “Does this mean friars don’t need to rock this ridiculous haircut anymore? Praise be to God. I’ve always wanted to try out a mohawk.”

Despite having been a friar for 800 years, St. Francis wasn’t sure if he would get in to the exclusive organization.

“I don’t know if I spoke to enough members, honestly. I’m a little worried. I’m friends with the Vice President (he’s Catholic) so I’m hoping that’ll be enough, but you never know with these things.”

Pharaoh Ramesses II looked similarly confused at the Sphinx smoker last week.