Inventive! Engineer Tries to 3D Print a Personality

Move over salmon khaki shorts and Vans — this crafty engineer has just found a new way to fabricate a personality.

“It took over 96 hours to print, but I think they’re finally ready,” Bernard Crews (E ‘21) revealed about his latest 3D-printed trinkets.

Crews, who spends his weekends in Van Pelt hunched over his textbooks and ignoring his friends, is admittedly out of his element at the “Social Ivy.”

“I’m sick and tired of people saying I don’t have a personality,” Crews said, frantically punching numbers into his TI-84. “I decided to prove them all wrong, scientifically.”

This wasn't the first time Crews has attempted to feign likability. Last semester, he tried picking up skateboarding and the guitar, but unfortunately that only further destroyed his social standing, and let’s not get into the time he taught himself to do over 50 fidget spinner tricks.

“If I wanted people to like me, I knew I had to stop messing around,” Crews told UTB. “That is why I bit the bullet and switched to 3D printing. After all, nothing screams ‘personality’ more than an engineer who can use a 3D printer.”

As expected, students campus-wide have taken a deep interest in Crews’ assortment of colorful plastic cubes and pyramids.

“Uh huh, yeah, awesome,” said one sophomore.

A passing junior commented, “Bursting with creativity, dude.”

“Copy of the DP?” another student added.

“They…they love me,” Crews said, a smile forming on his face for the first time in a while. “Y’all haven’t seen nothing yet! Wait till I break out the SolidWorks assemblies!”