Meet the Man Loudly Revving His Motorcycle Outside Your Window at 11 PM
Photo by Herbalexpert01 / CC BY-SA 4.0
April 16, 2019 at 10:33 am
Local hero alert! 42-year-old Keith Ingram loves riding his hog outside your dorm room as you’re trying to sleep — and he isn’t planning on stopping anytime soon.
“Me like noise. Me like go fast,” Ingram mused. “Motorcycle make BIG noise! Motorcycle make BIG fast! Ride motorcycle NOW!”
Dorothy Medley (C ‘22) enjoys hearing Ingram gracefully zip past her Kings Court dorm room.
“His engine is music to my ears,” Medley said, her eyes sore and bloodshot. “Nothing beats waking up in the middle of the night to a symphony of octane.”
However, others have not been so receptive.
“Who is this man, and where did he come from?” said Clyde McCoy (C ‘21). “What kind of twisted soul enjoys blowing out the eardrums of everyone in a 5-mile radius?”
“Me make super-duper loud noise, it means me STRONG!” Ingram commented in retaliation. “Penn students WEAK!”
Despite numerous complaints by students about Ingram’s raucous behavior, it does not seem like the University will be addressing the problem anytime soon.
“Sorry, you nerds are on your own,” President Amy Gutmann said in a statement. “I advise anyone looking for peace and quiet at night to simply use Penn earplugs. Only $19.99 at the bookstore!”