OP-ED: Men with Gigantic Backpacks Can’t Take All the Space in the Classroom

We’ve all been there. You’re walking into class, all set for another day of learning, and then your path is blocked. By what? 

It.

The monistic lump. The sins of gluttony and excess made manifest.

Why, when most of us are content with small packs that fit within our frame, do some insist on carrying around monstrous sacks that do little but obstruct?

The rest of us are unjustly crowded into obscurity. It is hard enough to stand out as an individual in the information age without needing to deal the intimidation of these presumptuous bystanders. They are, by virtue of their form, given the rights to determine the very structure of the classroom. We little people peep about amongst them to find ourselves dishonorable seats.

Enough is enough. We must assert ourselves as equals in this dialogue. Only then will we find ourselves treated as such.

I, for one, will henceforth be eating two chocolate cakes a day. I hope you will join me.