I’m a Penn Athlete and I Will Accept Payment in Cash Venmo or Bitcoin Thank U

There’s been a lot of talk recently about whether or not the NCAA should pay student-athletes. And while some of my fellow athletes don’t want to be paid, I disagree. I mean, forreal, it’s not like I’m gonna say no to some free money…

To my fellow athletes: stop asking things like “have we actually made the University revenue?” and “when will my dad come back home?” If the NCAA is thinking about paying us, how about, Don’t. Question. It.

And to the NCAA: if you’re looking for someone to test out this whole paying-athletes thing, I’m available. Like, really, I am. It’s the offseason, so I have a ton of free time on my hands. Also, I’m single.

In fact, let me just give you my Venmo handle right now. It’s @I_Use_This_To_Pay_My_Dealer. What’s yours? I can Venmo charge you if that’s easier.

Don’t get me wrong: I wanna be flexible about this. If Venmo doesn’t work for you, I can accept payment in many different forms. Want to stuff an envelope full of cash and hand it to me on the way to practice? Sounds great to me. If you would prefer to wire money into an offshore bank account, I’m open to it. I have Paypal, Apple Pay, Facebook Pay, Google Wallet…I even had SnapCash back in the day.

Oh, and I also accept Bitcoin! The people’s currency.

Honestly, I’ll even take payment in the form of Wawa gift cards. Or even actual Wawa hoagies. If you want to just deliver me a hoagie every day as compensation for my athletic achievements, I won’t turn you down. However you decide to pay me, the important thing is that it’s your choice.

So thank u in advance :)