Oops! Professor Forgets that Students Are People, Too

Professor Alex Shannon loves teaching. Sort of. She would much rather devote all of her time and energies into perfecting her research on the growth patterns of various mosses growing in the Southern hemisphere, particularly Tillandsia usneoides. But of course she loves the kids, too. “I live for the moments when I hold office hours and absolutely no one shows up,” beams the professor, pride for her service positively radiating from her smiling features. “And I particularly love it when I get to fail the little shit who always talks over me when I’m reaching the climax of my lectures on lipid synthesis.” 

But unfortunately for the professor, however much she loves teaching, sometimes she just can’t help but forget that her students are human beings just like her. “It’s so easy to forget that students are living, breathing human beings who have their own sets of responsibilities and prerogatives,” confesses Shannon. “It’s honestly much more convenient for me to not even bother with learning names, especially since the most I ever interact with them is when I input their test scores into Canvas.” 

As Shannon is also fond of noting, she has no issue with assigning homework at any time of the night, especially if she plans to make the due date imminent. “Ooh,” chuckles Shannon happily, “I just get such a kick out of assigning homework at the last possible minute, especially if it’s right before the start of finals week and everyone’s stressed out of their minds.” 

When students do come to Shannon’s office hours, they inevitably come with tears streaming down their faces. “Yeah, so what if you failed the last midterm just because the test materials weren’t included in my lectures?” scoffs Shannon. “Walking into my class you should have a comprehensive understanding of minute topics within my field which have taken me personally decades to fully understand.” 

Professor Shannon is happy to report that she currently enjoys an overall rating of 1.2 on Penn Course Review, and “is optimistic that in the coming semesters [she]’ll be able to bring her average up to the 1.25 range.”