BREAKING: Ultra Conservatives Now Advocating Fetuses’ Right to Bear Arms

In a major win for fetuses everywhere, a new conservative action group has begun lobbying for an expansion of the second amendment to apply to unborn fetuses while in the womb. The group is suggesting a law that would update the interpretation of the second amendment, if not a new amendment entirely.

“I just don’t think it’s right that a fetus isn’t allowed to own and operate a firearm. The second amendment was created to protect the citizens against an overreach of the government - it was to allow citizens to create state militias if need be. If a fetus is not permitted to bear arms, how will we be protected against tyranny?” Jonathan Hector said.

Hector’s colleague, Jennifer Gunzalez, added, “For the entirety of our existence as a nation, the right to bear arms has been withheld from fetuses. We in the movement believe that 2019 is the year to end this injustice once and for all.”

While statistics for the percentage of fetuses who have the desire to own a firearm are not available, advocates expressed confidence that the number is high. There have even been several startups created to design a firearm that would be an appropriate size for any stage of the fetus’s development. We spoke to the founder of Guns In Utero, Geoff Bingle, about his business.

“We anticipate that the firearms will be quite expensive in the beginning - to cover the costs of inventing the technology for such miniature models. Eventually, though, we hope that Guns in Utero will be cheap enough for any American family to afford,” Geoff told us. “We truly believe that the work we’re doing can make the American dream a reality.”