OP-ED: If Spanish Class Was in English I’d Fucking Kill

After four semesters of flailing around like a fish out of water through intro level Spanish classes, I have finally diagnosed the root cause of my struggles: I don’t speak Spanish, I speak English.

Whenever my professor would explain a difficult concept in English, I suddenly understood everything that he was saying. If Spanish class were in English, it would basically be kindergarten all over again, and I destroyed kindergarten.

I’m pretty sure I was supposed to learn Spanish at some point, but I never did. For years, this made me feel stupid. In class, the professor would ask us questions in Spanish like, “What color is this blouse?” If he asked in English, I would have been first to shout out “red!” because I’m a smart boy, but he only ever asked in Spanish. Everyone must’ve thought I was so dumb.

In Spanish 140, we had to write a 150 word response for every class. This usually took me five hours to complete. If I could have written it in English, it would have taken me just two hours. I know at least 300 words in English.

Sometimes I’d show up to class five minutes early so I could speak in English with my professor and classmates. This way they would know that I can in fact speak language. I tried to use big English words to impress my professors but they never counted this participation towards my grade.

If Spanish class were in English, I would have at least gotten a B, or as they say in Spanish a ¡B!