Shocker! Your High School Math Teacher Still Thinks You're an Incompetent Piece of Shit

 So you made it into Penn, the Ivy League institution of your dreams. You’re double majoring with a minor and you’re the head of four different clubs on campus. You’re starting your own business and you’re in peak physical shape. Your family is proud of you, your peers look up to you, and your professors take note of your hard work and dedication. 

On paper, you’re a statistical anomaly. But to her, you’re something else. She knows who you are. She knows what you did. She’s your high school math teacher, and to her, you will always be an incompetent piece of shit. 

“He never studied, never did his homework, and got C’s on all the exams," said your old math teacher in a UTB interview. "There’s still a stain on the ceiling above his old desk from spit wads."

“Oh, so he got into an Ivy League school? Fascinating…. so who was it exactly that took the SAT for him?” We asked her if she thought that question was a little bit harsh. “No, don’t worry,” she responded. “If his English skills are anything like his math skills, he won’t be able to read this.”