Wax and Trump in Heated Competition to Bring Most Shame to Penn

It’s official — current U.S. President Donald Trump and tenured Penn Law Professor Amy Wax are neck-and-neck in their years long battle for most shameful public figure associated with the University of Pennsylvania. 

Trump has been a mainstay in the contest to heap shame on the University for years, and continues to humiliate his alma mater in new and unimaginable ways, one tweet at a time. In this round of tête-à-tête, however, Trump went for the jugular, telling a group of four minority congresswomen to “go back to the countries they came from.” 

Wax, however, is not one to be outdone. After this past weekend’s outburst of vitriol, in which she claimed the United States would be “better off with more whites and fewer nonwhites,” the White Nationalist darling reaffirmed her seat at the table. Wax made her first public strides in bigotry in early 2018, when she suggested Black students are unlikely to graduate with honors. Wax’s earlier acts of bigotry remain unknown, though we are certain they exist en masse. 

Incoming freshman Justin Li has requested the speedy return of his security deposit. “Yeah, no way I’m getting twisted up in all that. I’m taking a gap year — indefinitely. Let’s see what happens in 2020.”