Subtle Flex: Junior Switches Between 13 Different Desktops During Group Study Session

Move over Pottruck lifters: in a study session last Monday, Frank Volk (C ‘20) made the flex of the century.

According to nosy students who happened to spot his MacBook in the corner of their eyes, the productivity wizard himself swiped between a baker’s dozen worth of desktops before finally finding a measly Word doc containing his class notes.

“After seeing he had 13 different desktops open — three for to-do lists and calendars, four for sticky notes and documents, and six for reading random Wikipedia articles — I couldn’t help but feel a sense of complete inferiority start to set in,” Ivy Chase (C ‘20) confided.

“It's good to be on top,” Volk said, browsing his desktops like a mad titan admiring his collection of all-powerful gemstones. “I am truly the apex predator here at Penn.”

This is not to say that Volk has gone uncontested in his quest to become a smarmy bastard. In fact, a handful of plucky students have courageously stepped up to try and beat Volk at his own game.

“Thirteen desktops? Heh, that’s small potatoes,” cackled Bernard Hubbard (C ‘19), his laptop beginning to visibly spark and short circuit. “I’m already up to 80!”