How to Talk About Your Bain Internship Without Confessing That You Made 50 Grand

It can be difficult to navigate the first semester back from a corporate internship. You return to a sordid environment of confused, rat-like college students, and you have to find a place to store the Vibrating Tesla Robot Jetski that you were given as a thank-you gift at the end of your Bain internship.

Perhaps most difficult of all, however, is the struggle to not tell everyone how much money you made. Every internship makes some money, with lower-wage Charles Manson cult member-like creative types raking in, like, five thousand dollars (I believe) for their internships at the art museum or wherever. But at Bain, they do things differently: they treat their employees with respect, and that’s why they gave me more money for doing data entry and staying in hotels than the average American family makes in a year.  

The easiest way to discuss your internship without blurting out that you made fifty thousand dollars is to lie about how much you made. For example, instead of saying that you made fifty thousand dollars, tell people that you made forty thousand dollars, which is only enough to afford four full facial reconstruction surgeries instead of five.

We know it can be tricky to hide your pride, but that’s just what our leftist campus pseudo-culture does to us.  We hope you will find our tips helpful, and good luck spending all that money — you deserve it, superstar.