Bubble Burst! Freshman Shocked to Learn That College Isn't Just Day Drinking and Interior Decoration

With one week of classes under her belt, College freshman Sophie Cordova is realizing college isn’t exactly what she thought it was. After five days of switching back and forth between amazon-priming the perfect array of throw pillows for her new twin XL bed and getting belligerently drunk while jumping up and down to Body by Luxury in the afternoon heat, reality started to creep in. 

“I started to get suspicious when the Penn Bookstore sent me a 42nd email about how I hadn’t picked up my textbooks yet,” Cordova shared in an emotional interview. “I was like… what are these textbooks for? I have enough books on my shelf to give my room the vibe of someone who reads for pleasure, and when my mom texted me asking me how class was? I was like mom...why do you want me to comment on social stratification that falls on socioeconomic lines? So random. But then I realized that maybe she was referring to a different kind of class...” 

And the shock didn’t end there. “When they told me I was taking an engineering course, I thought that meant learning how to change the batteries in my string lights and setting up my Amazon Alexa. Which I obviously have already mastered." 

Don’t even get her started on her introductory photography class. “It’s like, I already know how to take pics! I used a disposable all summer…like for my photo wall?” 

Stay tuned for when Sophie ultimately learns new words such as "test" and "midterm."