BREAKING: FRESHMAN SMALL etc. etc.

Hey friend! This party’s pretty cool. How was summer? It flew by, right?

Anyway, have you seen these freshmen recently? They’re so small. Like, I literally can barely see them. Their tiny tiny legs move so quickly but make such little progress. I saw one little guy take two hours to make his way down Locust. He seemed to be looking around trying to figure out what Steinberg Deitrich Hall was but couldn’t see above everyone else’s massive bodies (in relation to his petite, gentle frame.)

They kind of freak me out.

Ya, they give me so much anxiety. Like, they just seem dirty, and I feel like they don’t know how to clean themselves and…

Wait. Fuck.

D’ya know what? I was thinking of roaches. Like, the little guys that are gross? You know the ones. 

Ya sorry, didn’t mean freshman. Lol they seem normal size aha. Ya sorry, I’m pretty high rn. Wanna hook up?