Oh Boy! Nick the Librarian Is Coming to Class to Teach Me Primary Sources Again

In eight months I will graduate college with a degree in history. In my time here, I’ve learned that Adolf Hitler was a baaaad man, socialism=yes please, and that there’s a difference between a primary and secondary source.

Despite this, Nick the librarian is still coming to my class in two weeks to teach me just that.

Look...Nick — baby boy — I’m honestly offended. You’ve come to my classes at least once a semester to give me the same spiel about how to use Franklin, but you still don’t even know my name. You’re like one of those guys I met at NSO and see around once in a while, but who never remembers my name and always tells me the same story. Let’s be real, you’re a mansplainer, Nick.

Every professor tells me the same thing about you Nick, that you’re a “great resource when writing a paper,” but let’s be real, when it’s down to the wire, I’m going on funfactz.com/great-depression to write my paper not Articles+ on Franklin.

I am a 21-year-old boy who paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to learn about shit I could’ve read on Wikipedia. The last thing I need is to waste two hours of class time on Monday relearning that a primary source was written well after the event took place and a secondary source is a first-hand account. Clearly, I have a firm grasp on that.