OP-ED: Penn Should Build the Seyoung Kim House

Penn should build the Seyoung Kim House.

It would be a house just for me and my closest friends. We could hang out every day! It would be so much fun. I don’t say this enough, but I love my friends a lot.

People say Penn doesn’t do enough to build real community on campus. Well, I can’t think of a better way than this. I’d love to throw parties at the Seyoung Kim House. I’d throw one every weekend! They should put the Seyoung Kim House right in the middle of Locust, so that we can be at the heart of the school.

Penn should offer the Seyoung Kim House to us at a reduced cost. We’re going to be hosting a lot of parties, after all. That’s expensive. But it’s important work. Real important. We’re giving back to the Penn community. I’m glad and proud to do it.

I guess that as we start graduating, other people would move into the Seyoung Kim House and live with us. I think we should be the ones who get to decide who, because it’s a house for me and my friends. It would be weird if people in the house didn’t get along. It just wouldn’t make sense if Penn assigned people, like in other types of on-campus housing. It’s special. It’s the Seyoung Kim House!

I don’t think it’ll be hard to find people who want to live in the Seyoung Kim House. I think we’ll have too many people, actually. We’ll need to narrow down the pool somehow.

Maybe we should get them do sick, funny shit to each other. I think it would be hilarious if we don’t let them sleep for a few days, then watch them try to do push-ups or something until they pass out or puke. Yeah, me and my friends would get a kick out of that. If they don’t like it, then they don’t have to live in the Seyoung Kim House.

But why wouldn’t they want to live there? Think of the parties. Since they’re our parties, in our house, we get to pick who we invite, right? Only hotties will be allowed into the Seyoung Kim House on Saturday nights. Well, maybe a non-hottie or two could sneak in. But only if they brought like, five hot friends.

With all those babes, the parties are going to be awesome. The only thing that would suck is if they didn’t want to have sex with us. There’s going to be a lot of alcohol at our parties though, so that shouldn’t be a problem.

Maybe you don’t care about the Seyoung Kim House, because you’re not friends with me. That’s okay. But here’s why you should still support us: if Penn builds the Seyoung Kim House, there’s no reason they can’t build a house for you too. Wouldn’t it be great if a whole bunch of us, like one in four of us, could have a house like this?