Irresistible: PA Powerball Finally Throws NCH Single into Prize Pool

Calling all lotto lunatics: it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for!

This upcoming semester, students from all over the area will be clamoring for a Powerball playslip. The prize in question? A fully furnished single in New College House.

“This could be my big break!” exclaimed Wharton freshman Terry Branson, who currently resides in Rodin. “No more stolen shampoo, no more dirty dishes left scattered across the sink — the possibilities are virtually endless!”

Not only will winners of the PA Powerball clinch a jackpot of over 80 million dollars, but they will also receive the ultimate prize: a comfy dorm room nestled in the consecrated walls of New College House.

“Let’s be real, housing at Penn is pretty much already a lottery,” an unnamed Residential Services representative confided. “That’s why we’ve teamed up with the Pennsylvania Lottery to make one of the state’s most exciting games just that much more tantalizing.”

Thanks to the new collab, the Powerball has never been more popular — and it’s not just Penn students who will be playing.

“Those college hippies better be ready,” grumbled 65-year-old lottery veteran Donald Nunez, pockets overflowing with tickets. “That dorm is as good as mine.”

So what the heck are you waiting for? Get out there and win an NCH single today!

“Of course, winners will be expected to move out before the start of the next academic year,” the representative surreptitiously whispered before concluding the interview.