Quiz: Did You Go to Ritzy Boarding School?

So you’ve been talking to a guy for a little bit, but you just can’t tell how boujee he really is. His name is Daniel...not Dan, Daniel in full. Good, nicknames are for the poor. You ask him what he did over the summer and he tells you he got a job at Lockheed Martin. Sexy. The CFO of Lockheed went to high school with his dad. Is his dad that well connected or is this his one friend in a high place?

He does not seem especially conflicted about his decision to work for a defense contractor. That’s a good sign. Yet he also tells you that he took the metro to work every day and wishes public transit was more convenient so that disenfranchised communities could have better access to opportunity. Is this boy a fucking commie?

As the conversation is winding down, he mentions how he used to be on the water polo team in high school. Ooh la la, you’ve got our attention now Daniel. However, he goes on to say he was kicked off the team after getting a tattoo. He shows you the tattoo. It says “99%." Is this a harmless, dumb tattoo or is this Daniel’s way of saying he belongs to this grab-bag group of goobers, losers, and the beggarly poor?

Well, this is exactly why UTB has developed a new simple quiz that you can conduct on your crushes and friends to know exactly what type of high school they attended.

Do you know how to use a combination lock?

A) Yes, like the back of my hand.

B) No, I’d rather you steal my phone anyway. My mom will just buy me the new version if you do.

Have you ridden a bicycle as a means of transportation since the age of 14?

A) Yes, why would I drive when I only need to go a few blocks?

B) No, I UberX to class and your dad is probably my driver.

If you got all A’s: you went to public school.

If you got one A and one B: you went to private school.

If you got all B’s: congrats you ritzy son-of-a-bitch, you did it. You went to a ritzy boarding school.